Homesick? Here is a full translation of the blog below:
Homesick
10 months have passed since I came to Japan. In that period, I never once was homesick. But, in the past few weeks, I have become extremely anxious to return to the States.
If you ask why, it's because my lifestyle is different. Of course I love studying Japanese, I have a great group of wonderful friends, and my girlfriend is perfect. Moreover, I'm not troubled towards money and am basically free to do the things I want. So, why is it that I suddenly became so homesick?
It is because my lifestyle is different. To be more specific, I'm dying to train. Before coming to Japan, for a period of 4 years i thought of one thing and one thing only - Tricking. Everyday I woke up thinking about tricking. All throughout class I thought about tricking. And I trained my ass off everyday, training and tricking every free minute I had. I religiously followed an absurdly strict diet. That was my lifestyle and I loved it. I felt strong, I felt like the things I did carried meaning, and I felt like everyday I was become a little bit better as a person. The thing that made me happiest is that I inspired those around me to exercise and could see the change in not only myself, but others as well. I pushed myself to ridiculously heights, so much that I couldn't move my body. I can easily say that I worked much harder than I do now, and that I loved it.
But, that can't be helped. Before coming to Japan I decided that I was going to spend my time in Japan studying Japanese. Coming all the way to Japan and spending my free time tricking instead of practicing Japanese with my friends is not only a waste of a once in a lifetime opportunity, but a waste of money as well. Furthermore, I had a ton of injuries when I first came to Japan and doubt that I could have tricked well anyway. So, I worked my ass off and studied Japanese for 10 months.
Studying was pretty rough at first. More than rough I would say it just wasn't too much fun. Of course I had come to Japan, but I had very few Japanese friends and thus very few chances to actively practice Japanese. When speaking with my dorm friends I'd switch into Japanese to save the atmosphere and only speak with my girlfriend in Japanese out of nervousness. This left me with one way to study - watching dramas. Though I came all the way to Japan, I ended up sitting in my room in front of my computer and repeated what I heard in Orange Days.
But because it's Japan, even that was fun. I often went on dates with my girlfriend, and hung out with my dorms friends, exploring the unseen corners of Tokyo. I never really felt like I was good at Japanese, but I continued to study while having fun. Then I went to Osaka and hung out with a ton of people that could speak no English, and finally found confidence in my speaking abilities. I can back to Tokyo and started a completely different lifestyle.
A new quarter at school started and I made a ton of great Japanese friends. I became close with the fans of my favorite band and went to a ton of incredible shows. I spoke more and more Japanese every time that i met my girlfriend. Lastly, I moved into a home of Japanese people who can't speak English. In my current lifestyle, I hardly ever use English. I've become much better at Japanese that I had previously predicted and am satisfied with my progress as an exchange student. Of course I want to become much more fluent, but I never thought I'd be able to write a blog like this in Japanese before coming to Japan.
Huh? Tricking..? The light inside of me that is tricking slowly faded and faded as I become more used to Japan and Japanese. I never thought I'd be able to forget, even momentarily about tricking, the thing that literally made me a new person. Honestly, it makes my chest hurt to think about. I noticed my declining passion two weeks ago while I was walking home from work. Akaiyami by THE BACK HORN came on my iPod - for the first time since coming to Japan.
Roughly one year ago, every morning I rode my bike to gym in Seattle's light rain. The trip takes about 10 minutes, and during that I time I always listened to THE BACK HORN's Akaiyami. 2 weeks ago that song came on my iPod and a carpet of goosebumps covered my arms as I suddenly remembered the fierce passion that I pulsed in me every second, everyday. I looked down at the ice cream I was holding by my thinned arm and nearly started to cry. "What's happened to me?" I thought to myself. "This is not the person I want to be, this is not Dogen." I know that if I could see myself now through the eyes of myself one year ago, I would be very, very disappointed. From that moment, I went tricking.
As I imagined, my body had become very weak and I couldn't trick very well. Nonetheless, it was the best I felt in months. I honestly think if the only thing I ever did was train and trick I'd be more than happy for the rest of my life. "This is IT!" I thought to myself. "This is what it means to LIVE, to MOVE, to BREATH!" and since that day, the old fire that used to glow inside me has once again been ignited in a passionate glow.
Unfortunately, I need to wait until I go home before I really start my training. I've got finals all this week, no money, more Akiakane shows I want to go to, more people I want to meet, chilling out with my girlfriend, and a bunch of personal things I need to take care of before I go home. Joining a gym with 3 weeks to go would be foolish, to say the least.
But, I want to trick.
For the time being, I'll poke around at that fire. Once I get home I'll light my lifestyle back into a blazing flame and train my heart out. This time around, I'm not letting it go out.
あれ?トリッキングは?僕の中にあるトリッキングの光は日本や日本語に慣れれば慣れるほど、少しずつ暗くなってしまった。まさかトリッキング、僕を新しくされたことが忘れられると思わなかった。正直、考えると胸が苦しくなる。気が付いたのは二週間前だった。道を歩きながら突然iPodにTHE BACK HORNのアカいヤミという曲が流れていて、日本に来てから初めて聞いた。
意外と外国人はいっぱいいた。「日本にこんなに外国人はいんのか」と僕は思っていた。「アメリカ、てか、アイルランドに着いた気がするけど。」日本に来てから、初めてわざと知らない外国人に英語で話しかけた。「Hey, how's it going? My name's Kevin, are you here for the Murphy's show?」と僕は聞いた。なんと、「Nah, I'm here for the band across the street, never even heard of them, just wanted to come to a show while I was in Japan.」と僕に答えた。
Crap I just ran out of time. lol my computer is about to die. For those of you that can't read Japanese I was personally invited by Akiakane to a sold out show where they opened up for the drop kick murphys. Moreover they got me backstage as the single guest for the show, meaning I got into the $70 live for free. I chilled with the band before the show for an hour, cheered as they tore up the stage yet again at another amazing show, and watched the drop kick murphys with the members of Akiakane while doing a mini-mosh pit from the exclusive second floor of the venue. When things finally settled down I ended up selling the bands merchandise with the members just outside the show.
Now if that's not the most insane thing you've ever heard, I don't know what is.
I love you all.
2008-06-25
This site. I realize that I have been very flaky lately with posting and promise to make up for that. Hope you guys stick around, I have a ton of things I'd like to write about.
PACE
2008-06-23
Lucky Another incredible song by Supercar.
2008-06-23
2008-06-20
Thank You Dear Kevin,
After reading the email you sent to the lead singer of SOFTBALL, I decided that I should finally write to you. This will be quite a long email, and I know you must get a lot of mail like this, but I hope you'll read with patience and without any reservations. Just for the sake of making a baseline for this letter, my major interests are Tricking and Japan. I'll start by explaining how I discovered both. I'll start with Japan.
I remember my first real contact with japanese culture. I had just started 7th grade, and one day when I got home from school, I saw my big brother and his friend watching Naruto. Ofcourse at the time I was oblivious as to what it was. They explained it was an ANIME, a japanese animation. Just from hearing "Haruka Kanata" from Asian Kung-Fu Generation got me instantly intriqued. So I pulled up a chair and watched. Even though I didnt know it then, but that was the most life changing event in my life, because from that spawned things that make up a big part of me today. After seeing my first episode of naruto I was instantly hooked. From that point on watching anime became a part of my daily life. Ofcourse from that came also my love for the language and music. About the same time I got into Anime I discovered a show called "Madventures". It's about 2 guys going around the world and filming a sort of documentary style series. It remains my favourite show even today. After that I decided: "This is what I want to do when I 'grow up', I want to travel, I want to go to Japan, This is my dream".
If I remember correctly It was around March 2006, nearing the end of 8th grade. Just another guy night, playing poker, watching movies etc. Me and a friend of mine were bored and we were watching random videos on Youtube. He told me he had found a cool website and started typing, www.bilang.com.
In the end, that event was also a lifechanging event. The first trick I had ever see nwas probably one of Hans Wikkeling's Double Legs. I just watched with my jaw open for atleast 2 hours. Something like I had never seen before. "I wanna be able to do that", I though to myself. I started stretching and working out, but not for long...
...Enter 9th grade. During that one school year my life completely changed, partly due to own actions, partly not. I hit rock bottom, and completely forgot any dreams about going to Japan and about Tricking. During 9th grade, picking on me got from something I could have lived with to something that made me want to disappear from the face of the earth. I was sorta fat, had long black hair, watched anime, doenst go hand in hand with being popular. It was considered weird not doing what everyone else did. Being different was hard. I barely finished school. After the sommer break, I began to further continue my studies, unwillingly though. I have never liked studying, I even lied to my parents I was going to Lukio(something like high school, the system here is a bit different), when in fact I was Spending my day walking around in malls, wasting my life. But the the best thing happened to me last christmas. I accidentally stumbled across dogentricks.com. Suddenly, both things I used to be so passionate about, Tricking and Japan, they came back to me. I instantly told my parents of the situation that I had been skipping, and I quit school. I'm currently working in a storage (not as bad as it sounds, well maybe paywise), small bit by bit saving money, maybe one day I'll be ready and live my dream and go to Japan. And what comes Trickingwise, I'm training, strecthing, watching what I eat. The first time ever in my life when I take of my shirt and pump my muscles in front of the mirror I see pecks and a six-pack, instead of sellulite and spare tires. I just want to say, Thank You So Much Kevin. Your site gave me my life back, my dreams, my passion. It has bben such an inspiration to me, thank you. For you, Softball might be the most influential thing in your life, but when it comes to me, you are. Once more, arigatou gozaimasu.
Best of wishes to both you and Risa,
*******
2008-06-16
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